And What Now?

So What Now?
The last few days, upon official “re-entry” have been emotional mainly because we have been sharing our trip with our family, friends, and co-workers. Often, I am without words, which is a difficult feat for a chatty person.
The first morning, we were able to go to worship and simply worship, be fed by a tender, honest sermon. God allowedme to run into the mother of one of the kids, and we both teared up as we talked about what her daughter had shared. Then we got to sit in front of parents of youth that went, and again talk about what God did in our lives. Then, that night, we went to a get-together for the group ….. hey Mom how about inviting over my 30 new friends? Much joy, fellowship, discussion what Jesus has done and is doing.
The last couple of days as I have re-entered my world, it has been different. But in a good way. I continue to hear the voice of Harry in my head. He is a human, so not so much of glorifying him, but glorifying Him. The last 2 days seeing patients, God has allowed me to see the hurt in people’s eyes. The fear. And that all I have to offer of any worth is Jesus. Medicine and my skills are a tool. They will all wither as the grass. Like our bodies. And I will be out of a job when Jesus returns.
As I sit with people facing difficult circumstances, I weep. Yes, after we digest what is happening, I will address the medical and technical issues. But those are not the most important issues. I am sitting with a brother or sister in Christ; or I am sitting with a lost soul and this could be the most important conversation we will have. As Sara captured, I bring nothing but Jesus. The ultimate gift.
Or, when standing there with Davy, the interpreter, the last day, when the items ran out and a man looked at me with desperation in his eyes while I stood there with a half-drunk water bottle. “I do not have anything. All I can give you is this water.” He did take it. As we stood there Davy interpreted that the Living Water is Jesus. He will get thirsty again, in less than 30 minutes, but Water from Jesus will provide eternal life with Him. Again, as Sara said, I would have liked to just fix the problem. Pray. That is our first solution, our middle solution, our last solution. And excitedly wait on what Jesus will do. “I am so excited! I love to wait on the Lord!” Harry’s words ring in my ears.
I think one of my greatest struggles is living here. The hardness of heart that I feel for many of those in this environment in the slumber of excess and self-sufficiency, buried under layers of abundance. I know it is there, that hardness which is sin on my part, but it lingers there. Who am I to decide who deserves to be offered Living Water? I do obey when the Holy Spirit convicts me to share Jesus. But I am like Jonah. You want me to do what, God? They do not deserve your mercy and grace.
JUST LIKE ME. I do not deserve your grace and mercy. That is the point. How self-righteous of me. Pray as I struggle through that. At work, when seeing people in touch with their need, there is no Jonah in my heart. But here, that sin of Jonah is a burden. Pray that the Lord will break that sin, show me my continual need for Him, for His forgiveness and mercy then repentance, as I see the sin so engrained in my own heart being lived out in those around me serving as a mirror.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg1jBuInMqA
I pray that we have the tears of the saints for the lost, here and there, to lead them Home to Jesus.